Dorritville -- I Told You So -- Rant Archive

February 2003: Amscray, Dollface

I've been saying for years that the English language is going to hell in a handbasket. I think the main reason is that people are way more stupid than they ever used to be, and no, I have no desire to get into some jerkoff socio-economic debate about it. It's not just poor people who are dumber, it's everyone. Case in point: the horrific expression "my bad." My bad what? Hey, Einsteins--"bad" can't stand on its own; it isn't a noun! "Mistake" is a noun. "Error" is a noun. "Blunder" is a noun. In order to make sense, you have to say "my bad (insert appropriate noun here)." Kids are bad enough, but if you're over 30 and use this expression, you have absolutely no excuse and should just slap yourself. Because if you don't, I'll do it do it for you for being such a freakin' big dope.

None of you better dare imply that this is a new, "cool," expression, and I should just get hep and lighten up. Hey, I'm already more casual than most people when it comes to what's considered "proper" behavior. Bad grammar is a completely different issue. I can use groovy new expressions as well as the next guy--just not when they make me sound like an illiterate moron.

So, speaking of groovy expressions, I've decided that one of my missions this year, besides railing against the butchering of the English language, is to bring back certain old expressions that are no longer considered very groovy. I tend to use them all the time, but other than that Stephen's probably the only one who does. And I want to bring them back so everyone's using them. Read and learn; here's the list:

IXNAY
I do still use this, even though when I do a lot of people don't know what the hell I'm talking about. This is actually the pig Latin pronounciation of the word "nix"; another word nobody uses anymore. Gangsters in old black and white movies use the word "ixnay" a lot, and it means to stop something or cut it out. I also use it as a noun, see example sentence.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Put the ixnay on Pruneface."

SCRAM or AMSCRAY
Another word frequently used by gangsters and cartoon mice. It means get lost or get out. "Amscray" is scram in pig Latin--one of my favorite dialects.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Hey Schwartz, you dork, amscray before I kick your wimpy white ass."

NUTS TO YOU
Another black and white movie expression. Basically means "fuck off" but sounds way more genteel.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Nuts to you, George W. Bush."

HUBBA HUBBA
I'm not sure when this one is from; I used to think the '20s, but I haven't been able to find anything that discusses its origin. But it tends to be used with "oh you kid," which IS from the roaring twenties--a decade I'd love to have lived in. And if I had to guess, I'd say I did. (Yeah, in a PAST life, smart guy.) Anyway, this one means something or someone is hot.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Hey, have you seen Jen Dines in her new college-coed skirt and sweater set? Hubba hubba!"

YOU BET YOUR BIPPY
From "Laugh In," and I'm sort of torn on bringing this one back, because it still pretty much makes you sound like a real dork.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "You bet your bippy I'll be at the Zombie Hut on Saturday night."

THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT
Ditto the above.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "I don't know, I guess the devil made me spend half my unemployment check on new lingerie."

HERE COMES THE JUDGE
Also from "Laugh In." However, I'd like to bring this one back to mean something derogatory, i.e., here comes an asshole/authority figure. Like, you'd say it at work when some useless manager is coming toward you.

FOX
As in he or she is a fox. Basically means a babe and/or good looking and/or hot.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Oh man, that bartender is such a fox."

TART
What people used to call a bimbo; I like this word much better.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "You're a tart, but I kind of like it."

STRUMPET
Ditto the above, but "strumpet" sounds much more descriptive than either bimbo or tart. It just seems to imply more.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "She is quite the strumpet, no?"

YOWSA
The 1920s equivalent of "yo," sort of. Actually, it's kind of a cross between "yo" and "woah."
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Gina Gershon--yowza!"

FADE
From the 30s; the equvialent of today's "get lost."
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Why don't you just fade, okay?"

LOLLYPOP
This is originally from the Jazz Age, and originally referred to a jazz band that played cloying, sweet, music. I'm trying to bring it back to mean boring white singer-songwriter type music.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Oh man, have you heard those doinks Vanessa Carlton and John Mayer? What a couple of freakin' lollypops!"

TRIP
I mean when used as a noun, i.e., someone's ideas or the way of life someone subscribes to.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "I don't know what kind of trip she's on, but there's no way I'm buying into it."

DIG
This one's also from the Jazz Age, and means you really like something. It's come and gone out of favor since the 1920s.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "I totally dig that CD."

CAT'S PAJAMAS
Another flapper expression from the 20s that means something is really cool. Similar expressions from the same era: the goat's whiskers, the bee's knees, the turtle's neck, and the frog's eyebrows.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "My girlfriend is SO the cat's pajamas."

HOB NOB
This one was actually coined by Mr. William Shakespeare himself, and used in "Twelth Night." Originally is meant to drink together, but in the 1800s it evolved into its present meaning of mingling or even sucking up.
USED IN A SENTENCE: "I can't believe I have to go hob nob with my boss' husband."

JEEPERS CREEPERS
I didn't care that much about this expression until I discovered it was used instead of "Jesus Christ." (I would use "Jesus H. Christ on a raft," anyway.)
USED IN A SENTENCE: "Jeepers Creepers, where'd you get them peepers."

And last but not least

ISH KABBIBLE
Ish Kabibble was a musician with Kay Kayser's Orchestra. His name became slang to mean "Oh yeah, like I should care."
USED IN A SENTENCE: Use whenever you'd normally answer, "Whatever." It helps if you roll your eyes and look bored.

Notes From Limbo

Yeah, still in Limbo, still learning things. I think I've already learned all the really significant stuff, so here's some of the latest lesser significant lessons:

When you stop looking, that's when you'll find someone.
It's possibly one of the most stereotypical and most often quoted expressions ever. You'll find a girl/boy friend when you're not looking for one--people say it all the time. I, for one, always looked at whoever was saying it and tried to set them on fire just by staring at them hard enough. (FYI, this has never worked.) But you know what? It's so freakin' true it's not even funny. I guess that's why people say it all the time.

Date your age.
I know, I always said this didn't matter, and it shouldn't matter how old someone is if you like her. But you'll be much happier if you're with someone who's in your basic age range and therefore has the same experiences and history. She'll also get all your jokes, and you'll be able to talk to each other and understand everything you're saying, and all that's a huge plus in my book. This does matter. (Except to Larry King and Michael Douglas.)

If you think someone's up to something, he/she probably is.
I'm not explaining this; I don't think I have to. But if you get a bad vibe from someone, don't try to ignore it just because he or she is cute, or just because everyone else likes the person. Hey, am I the only one who saw "All About Eve?"

Don't wash your cell phone.
Especially not an entire wash cycle. Although surprisingly, mine does still work--I think Motorola should put me on a commercial.

Don't try to buy diapers for a temporarily crippled dachshund.
They just won't fit or stay on no matter what you do. Don't even try.