October 2003 (Back-to-Work Rant): Too Lazy To Write It Down

Since the last rant I wrote was back in June, you might think I stopped having strong opinions about, well, seemingly everything. Believe me when I say that will never happen. I didn't stop ranting (just ask my girlfriend); I just got too lazy to write it down. But now I'm back--possibly not monthly, but whenever I feel the need to verbally impale someone or something. Plus now I'm working again, so you know I'm finding new material every single day. I was going to write about the upcoming presidential election, but I think I'll save that until at least next year. (And I think my strategy will come as quite a surprise.) This is just going to be some random topics I think will be of interest.

First, I'm sure many of you are expecting me to skewer my new job. Right, like I'd do that on a public Web site. Did I ever write about what Hades was like the last year I was there? No, I never did. So I'm not about to do that now. All I'll tell you is my new workplace is kinda straight, white, and uptight; so you can imagine how I fit in. It's not the kind of place where you can put a sign on someone that says "kick me." (At least and have people think it's funny.) But I will also say that my boss is really great, the girls in my immediate group are cool, most of the people I actually deal with are nice, and I'm learning lots of new things. And I do feel  very grateful to have this job. Even though I do have to use one of the devil's machines everyday. . .

Enterprise Rent-A-Car SUCKS. Don't rent from them, especially if you live in Brooklyn. So I had this whole trip to my mother's planned, and I reserved the car online and had told them I had a Virginia (out-of-state) driver's license and was paying with a MasterCard--which my debit card is. I get there, and the sweet-as-sugar insipid manager tells me she can't rent me a car with an out of state license and a debit card. This is in spite of the fact that I had reserved it a week ahead of time, told them how I was paying, AND that she had rented a car to the two dirty-haired 12-year-old looking slacker junkies ahead of me, because they had their daddy's Discover card. I'm left to scramble around, so I called up Speedy Rent-A-Car over in Park Slope, who I always rented from until Enterprise moved in and were closer, and they were like "No problem, sure you can have a car." So don't patronize Enterprise, ever. And if you live in Brooklyn and need to rent a car, go to Speedy; they rock.

I'm glad that his completely undeserved September 11 commander-in-chief patina is slowly wearing off and more people are starting to realize that George Bush is a complete and unequivocal idiot. Oh, and a liar, since that whole "Gee, we knew all along there really weren't any weapons of mass destruction" tale seems to be unraveling. How he has the unmitigated gall to say that tax cuts for his wealthy pals (because no one I know got any) will help create jobs is beyond me. I guess he assumes his rich friends will now have more money, so they'll need to hire additional maids and there's his new jobs! Anytime I see him I just want to punch his face in. And he looks like a monkey. (Not that I mean to insult monkeys, most of whom are smarter than George W. Bush.)

Last but not least, I leave you with this sad commentary on the rapidly decreasing intelligence of the public at large. I overheard this last week while checking out at the ghetto Walgreens. (Despite the ever-increasing insane property values in my neighborhood, the fact is we're still near the ghetto Walgreens and the infamous Fulton Mall in downtown Brooklyn.).

Checkout Girl (to fellow Walgreens worker): "James, hey James, I hear you ate some bad food last night."
James: No, it was good. It was Thailand food.
Checkout Girl: What?
James: Thailand food.
Checkout Girl: Italian food?
James: No, Thailand food. You know about Thailand, don't you? It's down near Vietnam.
Checkout Girl: No.

That's right, apparently you can get through grade school and high school now without ever hearing the word "Thailand" (let alone knowing it's a country). Or knowing that when used as an adjective the word is "Thai" not "Thailand." That sound you hear is Ben Franklin, Isaac Newton, Noah Webster, and all the other smart dead guys rolling over in their graves. I'm sure King Mongkut of Siam is rolling over in his grave, too, but I can't vouch for how smart he was.

Yes, I will buy that vowel now, Pat.