Criswell Predicts

When I was a kid I was always interested in the paranormal--especially people who could predict the future. But Criswell was before my time. I saw Jeanne Dixon and Kreskin regularly on the Mike Douglas show, but the only thing I knew about Criswell is that my mother had a record of an old Mae West song called, "Criswell Predicts." But one day when I was at the PX, I saw a paperback book called just that: "Criswell Predicts," and I bought it. (I had no idea he was a complete fame-seeking goofus/charlatan and member of the whole Ed Wood crowd.)

Well, it scared the hell out of me. Criswell was so completely over the top, you just had to believe (at least if you were a kid) what he was saying was going to happen. Of course, now when I read these dire predictions, I almost pee in my pants because I'm laughing so hard. I consider this book to be one of the best dollars I ever spent, and if you ever have a chance to get a copy of this book, you should definitely do it.

Here are some of Criswell's predictions for your amusement. Oh, FYI, according to him the world was going to have ended back in 1999. Oops!

Here's the Front Cover

Here's the Back Cover

Here are some of his most infamous "predictions"

Men Become Cannibals

Homosexual Cities

Do-It-Yourself Facelifts

New York City Underwater

White-Slaving Actor Shocks Nation

"Ray Treatment" for Juvies

The Prince of Darkness

Embalming That Lasts Forever

And my all-time personal favorite:

Denver Turns to Jelly