"Weekly World News" Quiz

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1. Spanish matador Bernardo Jalapeno is referred to as a coward, because in the ring, he doesn't fight bulls; he'll only fight ______?
a) Cows
b) Cats
c) Overweight Old Dachshunds
d) Rabbits

2. President George W. Bush has allegedly petitioned the courts to change his last name to ______?
a) Shrub
b) Tree
c) Flower
d) Big Dumb Goober

3. Due to an unusually warm winter, the recently constructed All-Chocolate skyscraper is melting. What do the "local engineers" say the architects should have done to prevent this from happening?
a) Used lighter weight and more stable carob sheetrock
b) Used sturdier bittersweet chocolate instead of milk chocolate
c) Used brownies for the interior structure
d) Not have built a building out of chocolate

4. A "world renowned" scientist recently discovered that lawyers have the same identical genetic makeup as _____?
a) Slugs
b) Leeches
c) Sharks
d) Barracudas

5. Late (as in dead) rich guy, Jonathan Van Wilker III, bequeathed his 73 million dollar estate to his hamster. What is the lucky and now "world's richest hamster's" name?
a) Jonathan Van Wilker IV
b) Perky
c) Hambone
d) Scooter

6. This is the first of two questions about the astounding "Spycat." Where was Spycat sent on his first mission?
a) Iran
b) Arkansas
c) Iraq
d) North Korea

7. According to "a reliable inside source," Bigfoot (yes, THE Bigfoot) is about to join the cast of TV show, "The Sopranos." What actor does Bigfoot name as his most admired?
a) King Kong
b) George Raft
c) Gloria Swanson
d) Mothra

8. Anthropologists recently discovered two pizzas frozen in an ice cave in a giant glacier. Howe did they confirm that said pizzas were indeed about 11,000 years old?
a) The chunks of mastadon meat
b) They were in a box, and the "use by" date was 11,000 years ago
c) There was an actual photograph of "Little Caesar"
d) Radiocarbon dating

9. According to surprising new research, Karl Marx (yes, THE Karl Marx) was one of the Marx Brothers. What was the name Karl performed under?
a) Pinko
b) Commo
c) Red
d) Beardo

10. Back to Spycat. . .during his mission he met and fell in love with a female feline who met a tragic end. What was the name of Spycat's short-lived girlfriend?
a) Whiskers
b) Foxy Brown
c) Havana Brown
d) Ali Cat

11. Although it didn't say why, according to the WWN God switched places with someone on this past Good Friday. Who?
a) Housewife Edna Hornfinkle
b) Bus driver Marty Kowalski
c) Cardinal Francis Bushman
d) Wally the Woodchuck

12. A "famous professor" recently discoverd an alien bible in Boston's "Big Dig." According to this bible, aliens worship a particular Earth celebrity as their God. Who's the celebrity?
a) Paris Hilton
b) Oprah
c) Britney Spears
d) Dick Van Dyke

13. Back to Boston's "Big Dig" mentioned above. . .According to the WWN, what other "surprising" items have been uncovered there?
a) Viking ship and pirate treasure
b) An army of mummified monkeys
c) Marisa Tomei's career
d) Jimmy Hoffa

14. After menopausal housewife Gail Wooding melted into a giant puddle, what happened?
a) Her husband bottled her and sold her on eBay
b) Her children continued as if nothing had happened
c) The family dog tried to drink her
d) The family put her in the freezer, where she remains until scientists find a "cure"

15. What dead thing is an 13-year-old electronics whiz in Kansas keeping alive?
a) Jimmy Hoffa
b) The family dog
c) Marisa Tomei's career
d) His sister's brain

16. Satan has built an addition in Hell just for ______?
a) Mimes
b) Children
c) French People
d) Republicans

17. Speaking of Satan, what did he just hire for himself?
a) A masseuse
b) An assistant
c) A publicist
d) A butler

18. America is about to be invaded by an armada of ______?
a) Angry Canadians
b) Killer Bees
c) Nazi UFOs
d) British bands

19. A disgruntled staffer at the White House recently leaked a photo of Vice President Dick Cheney to the WWN, because his _____ was showing?
a) Horns
b) True evil nature
c) Forked tongue
d) Cellulite

20. Last but not least, the WWN has reported that there's a new fad/sport on college campuses, inspired by the running of the bulls in Spain. Young male students are participating in the running of the bull _____?
a) Frogs
b) Dykes
c) Dogs
d) Moose

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